Friday, October 17, 2014


"I am here"

I is the ego

What are you without ego?

"Am here"

Here is everywhere


You are everywhere and everything.

There is a reason este is the first verb you learn in Attic Greek and all of language in general, because it truly is the only thing there is.  Is is it.

Yes, it's totally new age cheesy crap and words don't do it justice.  Working with Satyen Raja a couple years back in a practice called Harmony Integration or Spiritual Technology, we asked a Zen Koan which allowed us a direct experience of the truth.  Meaning I can tell you exactly what the answer to the question is but it won't mean anything to you because you didn't experience the answer.

I asked the following: "What am I?"

Through a process called the Gnostic Intensive I cam to the answer of "I am here."  Which is really "when am I" but that was my answer.  It was the first time in my life I stopped my palsy.  I knew I'd stumbled upon a great truth that literally changed my physical being through a psychoactive process.

I lead a friend through the process and he concluded with "I am This."

....And now I see those answers are the same. All the reading I've been doing connects in the same idea, shed the ego and you will find peace and happiness.  You came to this planet with nothing and were happy, so riches are not the goal.  It is only after we develop the idea of the self we start to run into problems...this is why young children are so care free, there is no "self" to care about.

I picked up a little book called "Heal your Body" by Louise Hay.  It's pretty awesome.  She explains how the mental things we do cause physical ailments and man they are so right on.  Of course, I immediately set out to find all the things wrong with me and a theme quickly developed.

Here is a list of all the reoccurring ailments I have had since I can remember. See if you can spot a theme

  • Palsy: extreme control of anger, unwillingness to express feelings, an intense desire to control everything and everyone
  • Blackheads: small outbursts of anger
  • Coccyx: (My tailbone is broken w/o cause): Out of balance with yourself.  holding on.  Blame of self.  Sitting on old pain.
  • Poor circulation: the inability to express emotion
  • Earache: anger, not wanting to hear turmoil, parents fighting
  • Eczema: breath taking antagonism
  • Hemorrhoids: Fear of deadlines, Anger of the past, afraid to let go, feeling burdened
  • Kidney Problems: Criticism, disappointment, failure, shame
  • Liver: Seat of anger and primitive emotions
  • TMJ: Anger, a refusal to express feelings
  • Nail Biting: Frustration, eating away at the self
  • Nervousness: Not trusting the process of life
  • Sacrum: Loss of power.  Old stubborn anger.
  • Snoring: Stubborn refusal to let go of the old patterns
  • Sore Throat: Holding in angry words, the inability to express the self
  • Tinnitus: refusal to listen, not hearing the inner voice. Stubbornness
  • Tonsillitis: Fear. Repressed emotions.
I am my own worst critic. I judge myself most harshly, nothing I do is ever good enough. I feel the need to do everything and satisfy everyone.  It's actually not that I don't think others are capable, but that they aren't required to, only I am.  And when I can't do it, which is always because nothing is every good enough for me, I am angry, angry at myself.  I take these things in, I don't let them go, they seethe.  I makes me feel burdened and angry at everything, angry at the past. I never think I'm good enough so I don't let go, I need to do more, I have to be better and because I can never be enough, I'm fucking angry at existence.

As I mentioned before.  James Tywman put it this way: letting go of the ego means 1)Surrendering to a higher power, there is more out there than yourself and you are a part of it.  2)Trusting that you will receive the answers you need when they are needed. 3)Feeling grateful for the gifts you will be giving through trust and 4) sharing those gifts with the world through love.

"I am not good enough"
Who am I not good enough for?
"Me, everyone, anyone"

Who defines what good is?
"I do"

I is the ego, eliminate the ego.

"Am enough"

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