Wednesday, June 8, 2016

Practicing Consciousness

"Emotion arises at the place where mind and body meet.  It is the body's reaction to your mind." Eckhart Tolle

Same with CBT, thoughts beget emotions.

I woke up depressed...out of it... I don't know... just really off.  This is rare for me as a morning person.  WTF is going on.

I'm attempting to remain conscious of my feelings...becoming "the observer" of my feelings.

When I'm upset I go inward and pull back from everyone.  This is most likely the exact opposite of what I need.

For it is the ego who is upset, not me.  But what triggered these depressive feelings?  Food, lack of sleep, drugs?  I know when I lay next to her I constantly worry about waking her so I lay there all night, trying no to disturb her.

I'm not 100% on this, but the last thing you should have done this morning is let me walk out that door.

We're very different in a lot of ways and still learning each other.  You treat me how you want to be treated and I treat you how I want to be treated.  But I recognized this several weeks ago and I'm trying to keep that in mind. "You just have to let me come to you." So I didn't touch you this morning, even though I wanted to.  This upset me even more.

I think I need to be reached out to because I don't bounce back after 5 minutes like you.  I need to be told it's ok to be weak and that I'm still appreciated even though I'm not actively doing anything for you.

Then again I need to stand on my own 2 feet and do this shit without you....

I'm aware of my feelings, below if from Tolle, just need to put it into action.

"Accept then act.  Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as though you have chosen it. Always work with it, not against it...

Let me summarize the process.  Focus attention on the feeling inside you.  Know that it is the pain-body.  Accept that it is there.  Don't think about it --don't let the feeling turn into thinking.  Don't judge or analyze.  Don't make an identity for yourself out of it.  Stay present, and continue to be the observer of what is happening inside you.  Become aware not only of the emotional pain but also of "the one who observes," the silent watcher...

The best indicator of your level of consciousness is how you deal with life's challenges when they come.. Through those challenges, an already unconscious person tends to become more deeply unconscious and a conscious person more intensely conscious  You can use a challenge to awaken you, or you can allow it to pull you into even deeper sleep."

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